Family Secrets and what to do with them?

[chiddicks]

When I first started researching my family history, I went into it little bit blinkered, I would say, I was not prepared for some of the shocks, surprises and discoveries that lay ahead. Not only that, I was also burdened with the pressure of knowing things and whether I should share them or not? I am sure a lot of you have been or will be in a similar position yourself?

Family Secrets and what to do with them?

https://chiddicksfamilytree.com/2019/12/15/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/

[Janet]

Aye, luv. I have much the same questions and no very good answers but for sure we need to keep a sense of humor. Your well-chosen graphics have left me chuckling, so thanks for that.

[Tilly Mint]

I found a second cousin on a shipping list from India, then I found her sister the same way but she came a few years after her sister. I made contact with the eldest 1st and in the 1st letter she wrote to me she said she thought she was the only family left in this world as her only sister had died. When I contacted the younger sister she was quite hard and said she never spoke to her sister who lived in India. I never told them " they were in their 90s", they were both here in England and lived a very short distance from each other. Am glad I kept my mouth shut as the younger one died soon after contact. Sometimes I think I should have told them about each other but other times I think would this info contributed to the death.

It is hard knowing what to do sometimes.

[Jill]

I kept quiet about the identity of mum's cousin K's father, an old secret as she was born in 1917 and my granny had arranged for her sister to go and stay with an uncle and aunt to have the baby. Granny told my aunt, who told me.

My 2nd cousin (daughter of K) has a public tree and I was surprised to see this man named. My aunt had told my 2nd cousin a couple of years after K died, and as K's daughter is fine about it I have added him to my tree as well.

[Kit]

It's hard. OH's Nana was sure there is a family scandal and desperately wanted me to find out what it was. So far though I have been unsuccessful.

I also thought I had found one very close to Dad, and he was delighted to have a new aunt or sister, but it turned out that the lady put a lot of non related people in her tree.

On the other hand a great aunt lied about the name of her grandfather so we would not find out that he was a convict. So if she had been living I would not have told her we knew although everyone in her community knew, and I'm sure she knew they knew. lol

[Merry]

During my grandmother's lifetime there was always a lot of things not spoken about. How old was she? Who was her mother? What other relationships had she had other than my grandfather? Had we found the answers to any of these when she was still alive I can be certain no one would have been brave enough to broach any of them with her.

[Phoenix]

I knew that best mate's parents had to get married, but this was not my secret, so I never told. Her Dad died when she was tiny.

When her Mum died, her aunt spitefully said "well, your father wasn't your father"

It has taken some twenty years and a DNA test to prove her aunt a liar, but there is no way I could have dropped such a bombshell into the family, when she could have found it out for herself.

[chiddicks]

It just shows that lots of families have their own secrets. I just think we can sometimes under estimate the weight of responsibility that the person that knows the secret has to suffer.