View Full Version : Do you ever get upset about your ancestors?
One of my 3g grandmothers died at the age of 28, I don't know why but I suspect pregnancy complications.
My 3g grandfather waited a respectable 5 years then remarried and had a new family. I suspect life was a bit hard for my 2g grandmother and her sister with a stepmother and new siblings as they both emigrated to Australia.
I know it is unreasonable as I've seen cases where there were only months between death and remarriage before but I feel upset my 3g grandmother was replaced. Not sure why this one gets to me.
I've been upset about more reasonable things, like multiple deaths of children in one family, but I was reminded of this one again this week.
If she hadn't been replaced then the lives of her children would have been different (who can say better or worse?) and perhaps they wouldn't have ended up in Australia for whatever reason. Then I wouldn't be typing this!
Sometimes I get more upset with my living ancestor than with the dec'd ones!
My 4xg grandfather married twice more after his first wife (my 4xg grandmother) died at about 34 years (we think due to childbirth complications). I am not upset with him for re-marrying again (he waited 7 years and had no more children). When Sarah died he had 7 children aged 12 to newborn and none of his family lived in the same village or close by, I would have thought he would have remarried sooner. Maybe his second wife was a "housekeeper" first - she was a spinster and married in their home town, so I dont know why they waited so long.
I am upset with him for having his youngest son arrested and tried for "stealing a sack of beans" - son was acquitted but a few months later migrated to Australia. Father sounds like a right old grouch from newspaper reports of his "doings".
His daughter (my 3x g grandmother) married a widower with 3 children and they had another 7 and they brought 9 surviving children to Australia. So maybe she was a better step-mother than yours.
Father sounds like a right old grouch from newspaper reports of his "doings".
He waited seven years because that's how long it took to find someone who would take him on??!!! :D
My 2 x gt grandfather, John Purvey, lost his first wife (my 2 x gt grandmother) and married and was widowed again. His 3rd wife was the same age as his eldest daughter (my 1 x gt grandmother). He also fathered 15 children with these 3 wives and 5 of them died in his lifetime.
I don't think I was upset that he remarried, but I do feel it must have been awkward for my great grandmother that her stepmother was the same age!
I do wonder sometimes about the couples that had huge numbers of children, and what toll that must have taken on the wife.
My g-grandmother had 8 children in 7 years (and died during an op to correct her gynae problems), while a 4xg-grandmother had 16 children and died in her early 50s of 'senile decay' - I suspect she was just worn out.
I know we shouldn't apply modern attitudes to the past but I sometimes feel a little more self-control (mainly on the part of the men - I can't imagine many women wanted to spent about 25 years more or less constantly pregnant) might have helped.
I think I may have told this story before but it always makes OH smile.
I was about eight years old & heard a family member discussing my Mum's aunt who
had 14 children:-
"Uncle R** only has to take his trousers off for N*** to get pregnant!"
For some years I believed that to be true.
Lol Vita! Definitely true of some on my family tree!
If she hadn't been replaced then the lives of her children would have been different (who can say better or worse?) and perhaps they wouldn't have ended up in Australia for whatever reason. Then I wouldn't be typing this!
I know you are right. My feelings are not rational I know that.
I think I may have told this story before but it always makes OH smile.
I was about eight years old & heard a family member discussing my Mum's aunt who
had 14 children:-
"Uncle R** only has to take his trousers off for N*** to get pregnant!"
For some years I believed that to be true.
:) that made me smile
Tilly Mint
01-08-16, 12:32
Kit, I have a story similar to yours.....My aunt died aged 28 leaving a boy and girl, their father married again and went on to have quite a large family. The boy and girl always felt "left out" and their stepmother wasn't kind to them....they emigrated to Australia as soon as they were old enough. I am younger than them, i have tried my best to find them with no success. My aunt was my dads elder sister but this story "died" because my dad died just after his sister and I have no one to tell me the "nitty gritty" of it all......I get upset to think they may feel they have no past family and I would love to contact them!!
That would be worse than my story, Tilly, as they are still alive.
I don't know if I can help but PM me the details if you wish.
This might sound sill but have you tried FB? They may be on there
The thing that upsets me about 2xg/grandmother Ann apart from he death at the age of
just 28 is that I'm unlikely to discover her origins. The surname Williams in central London
makes that a hopeless task.
And 2xg/grandmother Harriett bearing at least two & possibly three children to a married
man who then emigrated to Australia leaving her to end her days in the workhouse makes
me so sad for the lives of women in the past.
ElizabethHerts
03-08-16, 12:11
Vita, I do sympathise.
My 3x-great-grandmother Sarah Thomason died aged 27 in 1843 after having produced three sons. She married Edward White on 28th June 1837, unfortunately just before civil registration, so I haven't got a clue who her father was.
I have been searching since I started family history, and apart from her burial, which Merry located for me, I haven't got any further.
Tilly Mint
03-08-16, 14:39
Thank you for the kind gesture, Kit. I have put "looking for" announcements in a few newspapers out there in Australia a few years ago but had no luck. I'm not sure when they went to Australia but think it may have been the late 50s. I have had a look to see if they ever returned to the UK but no luck there either. I'm not on FB but have had a little gander to see if i could find the male as the female will most probably have married.
Thanks again, Kit!
the female will most probably have married.
Jacky, she might surprise you. If there's anything I've learned around here, it's to expect the unexpected. I can think of many reasons she might have retained, or reverted to, her maiden name. In your shoes I would be looking anyway.
Vita, I do sympathise.
My 3x-great-grandmother Sarah Thomason died aged 27 in 1843 after having produced three sons. She married Edward White on 28th June 1837, unfortunately just before civil registration, so I haven't got a clue who her father was.
I have been searching since I started family history, and apart from her burial, which Merry located for me, I haven't got any further.
Elizabeth - your Sarah & my Ann had a lot in common. Ann also died after
producing three children - two boys & a girl. She was married in 1833 & died
in 1838. I have a couple of likely contenders for her father but nothing
definite - so frustrating.
As for Harriett, it looks as if she was using a false surname. Can't say I blame
her considering she lived in the same house as her married lover, his wife &
legitimate offspring while she was bearing his children.(!)
Great great granny was one of 14. I have traced virtually all of her siblings. Arthur came down to London and died young. I didn't think much of it, until I discovered that his first wife died and his second wife illtreated the children.
She was sent to prison, the children put into care. The girls went on into service, unsurprisingly never married. But the children of the second marriage seemed to have done well for themselves. This seems so bitterly unfair, and I wonder how much the rest of the family knew or cared.
Great great granny was one of 14. I have traced virtually all of her siblings. Arthur came down to London and died young. I didn't think much of it, until I discovered that his first wife died and his second wife illtreated the children.
She was sent to prison, the children put into care. The girls went on into service, unsurprisingly never married. But the children of the second marriage seemed to have done well for themselves. This seems so bitterly unfair, and I wonder how much the rest of the family knew or cared.
I was upset when I found that my great-grandmother's brother was prosecuted for child cruelty and neglect. It seems his wife would have been prosecuted too, but had died before the case came to court. The father seems to have been an alcoholic. The family was broken up - the son went to the workhouse, two girls were taken in by a farming family and the other two girls with another family. What upset me is that there were several aunts and uncles who could have had the children. None of the children married and I wonder how much their early experiences affected them.
I feel very sad for some of them, especially those that had so many children that died when very young.
Thank you for the kind gesture, Kit. I have put "looking for" announcements in a few newspapers out there in Australia a few years ago but had no luck. I'm not sure when they went to Australia but think it may have been the late 50s. I have had a look to see if they ever returned to the UK but no luck there either. I'm not on FB but have had a little gander to see if i could find the male as the female will most probably have married.
Thanks again, Kit!
Only just saw this. Just PM me any time if you change your mind or have an idea on how you could search.
I was upset (and angry) about one of OH's ancestors who was transported to Tasmania. He survived his sentence, married out there, had several children and a long life.
The wife he left behind in England died along with two of her children in a workhouse not long after he was transported.
Made me wonder who, exactly, was being punished, and why none of his extensive family stepped in to help.
My 4g grandfather came to Australia as part of the army corp and ended staying and running a butcher shop rather than returning home. He had a wife and child who remained in England. I have not found out what happened to the child. The wife eventually died. He never married my 4g grandmother but did have a lot of children with her. He then married some other woman and died but he effectually abandoned her too, leaving all his estate to my 4g grandmother and their children.
I'm not angry with him, but disappointed as he seemed to treat his women badly.
Another of my 4g grandmothers was a courageous woman though and petitioned the Bank to lend her the money to follow her convict husband to Australia. The debt was never repaid unsurprisingly. Within the last 50 years a descendant travelled to England and offered to repay the few pounds loan (I can't remember the amount offhand) but he was refused as they didn't know what to do with the money. lol
Janet in Yorkshire
14-09-16, 23:42
I weep for poor great-aunt Bridget of humble Irish stock. Married aged 17, first child born six months later, followed by nine more. From newspaper reports, I've pieced together the awful life she had - frequent court appearances by the husband on drinking charges accompanied by fines, which could have paid for food and creature comforts. He was charged, but acquitted, of rape - sounds like he was more of a peeping tom. Bridget and her children lived in the most dreadful squalor - the house was made of wood, had holes in roof, was damp and draughty, there was no access to water, no privy. The local medical officer was involved and got the houses condemned, but Bridget's husband refused to move his family out - he was okay, of course, he was a seaman and away for long stretches, only home for long enough to impregnate Bridget.
Bridget had her tenth child in September 1901 and died shortly afterwards at the age of 38.The baby died a few months later. She must have had a truly awful life, poor soul.
Jay
Janet - your post reminds me (if I ever did need reminding) of why I became a Feminist
back in the day. Not a man-hating, bra-burning, hairy-legged Feminist you understand,
but an advocate of equal rights,opportunities etc.
Women like Bridget suffered unimaginably - unfortunately others are still suffering today
one way or another.
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